I haven't posted in awhile, but in all honesty, there hasn't been much happening. I'm still pregnant, but not visibly, which is 100% fine with me. We still haven't told anyone.
We are supposed to tell our families this weekend though, and I am pretty nervous about it. I'd say I'm dreading it, in fact. I don't know how anyone is going to react. I don't know if there will be a big reaction or just a "oh, nice" type reaction. I wonder if anyone will be unhappy. I know my father-in-law will be happy, but who knows about my mother-in-law. I can't imagine either of them really expressing a lot of emotion.
I just want to get it over with, I guess. My big fear is that my in-laws will suddenly want to become more involved in our lives now that they know there will be a grandchild. I'm honestly not too keen on that. They are nice and everything, but they're just so different from my family. I am not comfortable around them, even though we've been married for 6 years now. I don't think I ever really will be comfortable.
Since we're about to announce the big news, I told Rob yesterday that under no circumstances were his parents going to be staying at our house after the baby is born. I really can't deal with that. I know they will probably want to come down, but they need to know that they aren't going to be using our house as a free hotel. And I'm definitely not putting up with their dog. I don't like dogs in the first place and theirs is a total attention whore.
I realize all of this probably makes me sound like a huge jerk. I guess, when it comes to my in-laws, I am. I tend to hold grudges and between them taking back the money they promised us for our wedding (Which they did at the last second, when it was too late to change any of the plans, claiming they were too short on money to contribute... that same year they hosted an exchange student, bought a truck and bought an RV. Any one of those things cost more than what they had promised us.) and my mother-in-law basically inviting herself to live with us for over a year, I just have a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to them. I'm worried about how having a baby is going to change things with them. I'm content with seeing them as much as we do. But, I worry we'll end up having to see them a lot more. No one talks when we are at their house visiting. It honestly weirds me out. I like loud people, I guess.
So, ANYWAY... pregnancy is still weird for me. I've heard the heartbeat and had an ultrasound. It should seem real, but it doesn't. I haven't gained weight yet, luckily, and for the most part I'm not all that hungry. I'll often spend a lot of time anticipating a meal, only to not want to eat it when it happens. That happened with our anniversary dinner last weekend. The food was awesome, but I just didn't have any appetite for it. But, I am only 13 weeks, which means there's still a long way to go.
I hope this weekend goes well. I'm really ready for it to be over. I think it will be a relief once the cat is out of the bag. Maybe.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Monday, March 2, 2015
Week 8
I'm almost done with week 8. At this particular moment, I feel awful. I almost threw up. I'm at work and I cannot think of much worse than throwing up at work except for that one time I threw up in the middle of the street right in front of my boss on a business trip. That was definitely worse. But, still, feeling like this at work is awful.
I swear, this baby is messing with me. I was feeling good, almost normal, even and it seems like as soon as I am convinced that I'm going to feel great, the nausea comes back with a vengeance. I can't predict it. I was really hungry and had lunch; the same lunch I had 3 days last week without incident. Now I feel so bad. I mean, seriously, what is with that? There seems to be no rhyme or reason to when I'll feel good or bad, which bugs me because I like patterns and routine.
Other than these annoying physical symptoms, things are good. Last weekend was actually the first weekend in a long time where I had things to do the whole time. Friday I went out with my sister to celebrate her friend's birthday. Our other sister came, even, which is extremely rare. It was fun, and luckily, her friend picked the perfect bar for a pregnant person. She wanted to go to this place called Dawn's Beach Hut. They specialize in frozen, tropical drinks that happen to be the perfect thing to order virgin because you can't taste if there's alcohol anyway. The night would have been totally perfect if the bartender didn't write "virgin funky monkey" and "virgin piña colada" on the check! Luckily, I grabbed it first and hid the itemized part before anyone else saw it (I think).
Saturday we had Rob's cousin and her fiance over for dinner. She's really nice and she has some interesting stories. She knows a lot about their family's genealogy, which was interesting. She also knew more about my sister-in-law's relationship, which I am interested in. She's dating a guy she met in Sweden when she was studying abroad there. He came to the states over the summer and they stayed at our house a few nights. So, I've met him and he seemed very nice. Both he and my SIL are somewhat shy though, so I couldn't get any details from her then and I didn't want to make either of them uncomfortable so I just let them do their thing. I've been wondering about it since then though.
Sunday my aunt had a going away party for her grandson who is joining the Air Force. There were several people there who I don't see much so it was interesting. Unfortunately, Rob got sick while we were there. It was probably due to all the corn products we had the night before when we made tacos for dinner. I think we're going to try another Whole 30 soon. Maybe not today because we have so many taco leftovers (thinking the rice and beans), but once those are gone I think we're going to go grain free again. Neither of us feels good when we eat them and they cause weight problems. So, anyway, it was nice to get out this weekend. Luckily I wasn't feeling sick, either. I'm looking forward to getting our diet back on track, as well.
Other than my weekend, of course I heard from one of my toxic friends again. She sent me an email that pretty much made no sense at all. I haven't replied. I honestly don't know how I would reply if I wanted to, anyway, because her email was just all over the place and had nothing to do with why I'm upset (and she knows that). She can't fix the real issue, so I guess she's just trying to deflect it and hope I'll somehow get confused or something. Not gonna happen. I can't say I'm sad to think she's upset. I hope she is. But, I need to get away and salvage whatever tiny amount of dignity I can from the situation. Luckily, I have a lot of other things to think about right now and plenty of other people I can spend time with.
I swear, this baby is messing with me. I was feeling good, almost normal, even and it seems like as soon as I am convinced that I'm going to feel great, the nausea comes back with a vengeance. I can't predict it. I was really hungry and had lunch; the same lunch I had 3 days last week without incident. Now I feel so bad. I mean, seriously, what is with that? There seems to be no rhyme or reason to when I'll feel good or bad, which bugs me because I like patterns and routine.
Other than these annoying physical symptoms, things are good. Last weekend was actually the first weekend in a long time where I had things to do the whole time. Friday I went out with my sister to celebrate her friend's birthday. Our other sister came, even, which is extremely rare. It was fun, and luckily, her friend picked the perfect bar for a pregnant person. She wanted to go to this place called Dawn's Beach Hut. They specialize in frozen, tropical drinks that happen to be the perfect thing to order virgin because you can't taste if there's alcohol anyway. The night would have been totally perfect if the bartender didn't write "virgin funky monkey" and "virgin piña colada" on the check! Luckily, I grabbed it first and hid the itemized part before anyone else saw it (I think).
Saturday we had Rob's cousin and her fiance over for dinner. She's really nice and she has some interesting stories. She knows a lot about their family's genealogy, which was interesting. She also knew more about my sister-in-law's relationship, which I am interested in. She's dating a guy she met in Sweden when she was studying abroad there. He came to the states over the summer and they stayed at our house a few nights. So, I've met him and he seemed very nice. Both he and my SIL are somewhat shy though, so I couldn't get any details from her then and I didn't want to make either of them uncomfortable so I just let them do their thing. I've been wondering about it since then though.
Sunday my aunt had a going away party for her grandson who is joining the Air Force. There were several people there who I don't see much so it was interesting. Unfortunately, Rob got sick while we were there. It was probably due to all the corn products we had the night before when we made tacos for dinner. I think we're going to try another Whole 30 soon. Maybe not today because we have so many taco leftovers (thinking the rice and beans), but once those are gone I think we're going to go grain free again. Neither of us feels good when we eat them and they cause weight problems. So, anyway, it was nice to get out this weekend. Luckily I wasn't feeling sick, either. I'm looking forward to getting our diet back on track, as well.
Other than my weekend, of course I heard from one of my toxic friends again. She sent me an email that pretty much made no sense at all. I haven't replied. I honestly don't know how I would reply if I wanted to, anyway, because her email was just all over the place and had nothing to do with why I'm upset (and she knows that). She can't fix the real issue, so I guess she's just trying to deflect it and hope I'll somehow get confused or something. Not gonna happen. I can't say I'm sad to think she's upset. I hope she is. But, I need to get away and salvage whatever tiny amount of dignity I can from the situation. Luckily, I have a lot of other things to think about right now and plenty of other people I can spend time with.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Never Ending Winter
Maybe it's just me, but it seems like this winter is never going to end. I'm so tired of feeling cold all the time! I'm tired of snow and ice. I just want it to be 40 degrees. The average high temperature this time of year is 38, but we haven't been close to that in weeks. I wonder if the season and weather are contributing to my fatigue.
Yesterday was the start of week 8 of this pregnancy. My symptoms seem to come and go lately. I like it when they're gone, of course. But, regardless of the nausea, I'm still tired all the time. I've actually managed to lose another 1.4 pounds somehow. I'm at 185.2 today. So close to being out of the obese category! Yet, obviously, I won't stay this way, which makes me a little sad. As always, I'm worried about putting on a ton of weight during pregnancy and not being able to lose it. I know a lot of women don't lose weight until they stop breastfeeding. I am not patient enough to wait that long. I really hope my body doesn't do that to me; I feel like my body has betrayed me enough as it is.
As far as emotions go, pregnancy has me thinking about a lot of different things. I worry that I am going to resent my baby because of how much day care costs. Maybe that sounds weird, but I earn too much money to stop working, yet day care is so expensive it makes my job resentment that much stronger. I already hate this job (and every professional job I've ever had). I'm worried I'll hate it 30% more when I see 30% of my take home pay going to pay a baby sitter. I don't know why I think I'd resent the baby though, I'd rather be home with a baby than be here. I guess, really, I'm just worried that I won't handle things well emotionally when I'm paying so much to come to a job I hate. I don't know how other parents deal with this. In my head, the full cost of day care comes out of my salary because I'm the one that would stay home if it were an option.
I still haven't told anyone about the pregnancy, but I feel like I'm going to slip up very soon. Rob and I have talked about names a little. Rob found some website and started a list of names. The names he picked are horrible! There's maybe one out of the fifteen he picked I could tolerate. I don't like it, but I could deal with it if I had no other choice. That's not a great record. I'd love to read these names to someone else and see if they hate them as much as I do. They all sound very, I don't know, ethnic or something. Many of them sound/are Japanese. We are not Japanese and I've never even been to Japan (and really, I have no desire to go, sorry). Why would I want my kid to have a Japanese name? That just doesn't compute with me. If one of us were Japanese, then that would be a totally different story but I'm Irish and Swedish mostly and Rob is mostly German.
Anyway, in other news, I decided once and for all to move on from the toxic friends I had. I feel good about that decision. I was actually really worried about how they'd handle the news that I am pregnant, so it's kind of nice that I don't have to worry about that anymore. Of course, one of them will not let things go; she's convinced she can somehow fix things. She can't though. If she actually cared about my feelings at all she wouldn't have let this go on for 10 years. At the end of the day, she cares about the attention from men way more than she cares about me. It's a little sad that she's so insecure, but that's just how she is. At the moment I feel relieved though. These former friends probably don't feel that way, but honestly, that's not my problem anymore.
So, I guess that's all that is happening here right now. I'm very ready to get out of this office for the day so I can sleep!
Yesterday was the start of week 8 of this pregnancy. My symptoms seem to come and go lately. I like it when they're gone, of course. But, regardless of the nausea, I'm still tired all the time. I've actually managed to lose another 1.4 pounds somehow. I'm at 185.2 today. So close to being out of the obese category! Yet, obviously, I won't stay this way, which makes me a little sad. As always, I'm worried about putting on a ton of weight during pregnancy and not being able to lose it. I know a lot of women don't lose weight until they stop breastfeeding. I am not patient enough to wait that long. I really hope my body doesn't do that to me; I feel like my body has betrayed me enough as it is.
As far as emotions go, pregnancy has me thinking about a lot of different things. I worry that I am going to resent my baby because of how much day care costs. Maybe that sounds weird, but I earn too much money to stop working, yet day care is so expensive it makes my job resentment that much stronger. I already hate this job (and every professional job I've ever had). I'm worried I'll hate it 30% more when I see 30% of my take home pay going to pay a baby sitter. I don't know why I think I'd resent the baby though, I'd rather be home with a baby than be here. I guess, really, I'm just worried that I won't handle things well emotionally when I'm paying so much to come to a job I hate. I don't know how other parents deal with this. In my head, the full cost of day care comes out of my salary because I'm the one that would stay home if it were an option.
I still haven't told anyone about the pregnancy, but I feel like I'm going to slip up very soon. Rob and I have talked about names a little. Rob found some website and started a list of names. The names he picked are horrible! There's maybe one out of the fifteen he picked I could tolerate. I don't like it, but I could deal with it if I had no other choice. That's not a great record. I'd love to read these names to someone else and see if they hate them as much as I do. They all sound very, I don't know, ethnic or something. Many of them sound/are Japanese. We are not Japanese and I've never even been to Japan (and really, I have no desire to go, sorry). Why would I want my kid to have a Japanese name? That just doesn't compute with me. If one of us were Japanese, then that would be a totally different story but I'm Irish and Swedish mostly and Rob is mostly German.
Anyway, in other news, I decided once and for all to move on from the toxic friends I had. I feel good about that decision. I was actually really worried about how they'd handle the news that I am pregnant, so it's kind of nice that I don't have to worry about that anymore. Of course, one of them will not let things go; she's convinced she can somehow fix things. She can't though. If she actually cared about my feelings at all she wouldn't have let this go on for 10 years. At the end of the day, she cares about the attention from men way more than she cares about me. It's a little sad that she's so insecure, but that's just how she is. At the moment I feel relieved though. These former friends probably don't feel that way, but honestly, that's not my problem anymore.
So, I guess that's all that is happening here right now. I'm very ready to get out of this office for the day so I can sleep!
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Week 7
I must say, week 7 has been much better than the past two weeks of this pregnancy. I'm very tired and still have breast tenderness, but I'm not nearly as nauseated. I feel pretty good most of the time. The worst part is the tiredness that hits me in the afternoons at work. I would gladly pay to be able to take a nap most days. I really wish that was an option.
As for weight stuff, I'm okay in that department. I got down to 186.6 and I've been holding there for a few days now. Today, my waist measurement was actually under 41 inches, which is the smallest it has been since I started tracking. I'm pretty excited about that. It figures I'd finally start seeing success on that front when I'm 7 weeks pregnant and there is zero chance of the losses sticking, right?
Other than that, life is just going on as usual. My closest friends went to St. Louis for Mardi Gras last weekend. As usual, they didn't invite me. It's a messy situation that goes back over 10 years now; my friend's ex boyfriend decided that he didn't like me back when they were dating. He badmouthed me to people and convinced them to hate me as well. As a result, I'm not welcome at certain events, even though I never did anything to this guy or the people he convinced to dislike me. My friends all just went along with the exclusion even though they've known all along I didn't do anything because it was easier for them.
So, ten years later, I am regularly left feeling hurt and like a second tier friend. It sucks. I think that I've finally had my limit. I haven't talked to any of these friends since I found out about this years trip. I'm just so done with this drama. Plus, with a baby on the way I can't drink with them and do the stuff I used to enjoy with them anyway. Once the baby is here obviously how I spend my time is going to change and I don't see these friends being all that interested in spending time with a kid. I guess cutting ties is for the best, but it is still really hard.
I wish there was a way I could accept being left out and be okay with it, but I've been trying to be okay with it for 10 years and I'm just not. I don't think my friends would be okay with it either if they were in my shoes. I've talked about this with them many times, but no one will explain why this is still an issue and if there's anything I can do about it no one will tell me what that something is. It's very frustrating, to say the least. The whole situation has been on my mind a lot and I just don't see a solution. It sucks to give up my closest friends.
Anyway, I hope everyone's having a good weekend. I need to find something to do tonight, but I don't know if I'll be able to since Rob's pretty set on working on the table. I can't wait for that table to be done.
As for weight stuff, I'm okay in that department. I got down to 186.6 and I've been holding there for a few days now. Today, my waist measurement was actually under 41 inches, which is the smallest it has been since I started tracking. I'm pretty excited about that. It figures I'd finally start seeing success on that front when I'm 7 weeks pregnant and there is zero chance of the losses sticking, right?
Other than that, life is just going on as usual. My closest friends went to St. Louis for Mardi Gras last weekend. As usual, they didn't invite me. It's a messy situation that goes back over 10 years now; my friend's ex boyfriend decided that he didn't like me back when they were dating. He badmouthed me to people and convinced them to hate me as well. As a result, I'm not welcome at certain events, even though I never did anything to this guy or the people he convinced to dislike me. My friends all just went along with the exclusion even though they've known all along I didn't do anything because it was easier for them.
So, ten years later, I am regularly left feeling hurt and like a second tier friend. It sucks. I think that I've finally had my limit. I haven't talked to any of these friends since I found out about this years trip. I'm just so done with this drama. Plus, with a baby on the way I can't drink with them and do the stuff I used to enjoy with them anyway. Once the baby is here obviously how I spend my time is going to change and I don't see these friends being all that interested in spending time with a kid. I guess cutting ties is for the best, but it is still really hard.
I wish there was a way I could accept being left out and be okay with it, but I've been trying to be okay with it for 10 years and I'm just not. I don't think my friends would be okay with it either if they were in my shoes. I've talked about this with them many times, but no one will explain why this is still an issue and if there's anything I can do about it no one will tell me what that something is. It's very frustrating, to say the least. The whole situation has been on my mind a lot and I just don't see a solution. It sucks to give up my closest friends.
Anyway, I hope everyone's having a good weekend. I need to find something to do tonight, but I don't know if I'll be able to since Rob's pretty set on working on the table. I can't wait for that table to be done.
Monday, February 16, 2015
Wrapping Up Week 6
Unfortunately, it's another miserable Monday here. I think it is safe to say that gluten + dairy = misery for me. Sad. I feel terrible today, but I know it is from what I ate yesterday. I gained 2 pounds and it's all bloat. I didn't bother to measure myself this morning but I don't need a measuring tape to tell me that my waist is bigger right now, it's obvious.
So, I guess that wraps up my food reintroduction experiments for now. I know what I can handle (rice) and what I can't (other grains and dairy). Sugar doesn't seem to have a negative physical impact on me, but I know it doesn't really help things. Luckily, there are tons of great paleo recipes out there that will work and taste good. Now I just need to come up with the discipline to stick with the program.
My task for today is to plan out a week's worth of meals since I'm off of work for President's Day. I'm thinking about going back to frittatas for breakfast, but I don't know. I don't like them much without cheese, to be honest. Also, if last week was any indication, I probably won't actually be able to eat breakfast anyway. I guess breakfast will be the lowest priority. I can always get omelettes from the cafeteria at work anyway.
Here's what I have come up with for dinners so far:
Monday - Chicken Piccata
Tuesday - Pork Tenderloin with Roasted Vegetables
Wednesday - Steak, Sweet Potatoes, Mixed Greens
I can't think anymore right now, so that's all I'm going to plan. I think I'll plan the rest one day at work this week. Lunch will be left overs or I might venture out to Chipotle one day. Exciting stuff.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Hanging In There
I feel like a lot has happened since I posted last. Rob and I hosted our White Elephant party and it was pretty fun. The same day I attended my cousin's baby shower, which was also fun. What wasn't so fun is that our party ran pretty late (1:00 am) and I ate a lot of junk. Now, it was fun while I was eating it, but what followed was not fun AT ALL. I ended up getting a migraine Sunday and I was so extremely nauseated Sunday that I wanted to die. That stuck with me through Monday, as well.
See, that's the problem with getting pregnant while you do a Whole 30. I have no idea what was caused by food re-introduction, lack of sleep or pregnancy. I felt like I got punched with all three at once. Sunday and Monday were super miserable. By Tuesday though, I was convinced it was pregnancy related because I still felt pretty bad Tuesday and Wednesday. Today, I feel less bad. I don't feel 100% and I guess I haven't eaten much today (just half an avocado), but at least I don't feel like I'm going to throw up right now. Earlier I thought I might be getting a UTI, but it was just a false alarm, I think. So, I'm happy about that.
On Monday I had my first appointment with the midwives. Of course, I only saw one of them, Marybeth. They confirmed that I am indeed pregnant. I didn't really need them to tell me that, since I felt so crappy that day and had/have a bunch of symptoms, but I suppose it's good to know my dollar store tests weren't lying to me. We just went through medical history and all that jazz. I'm not going back again until March, which seems like a long time, but obviously I have no idea what is normal. I think the appointment after that we do an ultrasound. That's when I'm expecting things to feel more real. Right now, I just feel kind of run down and weird, but the idea that there's going to be an actual baby in 8 months isn't real in my head yet.
Anyway, during my appointment Marybeth told me I could take B-6 to help with morning sickness. I don't know if it is a coincidence or if it worked, but I feel better now than I have in several days and I took one of my B-50 complexes this morning. I hope that is why because that's something I can obviously repeat whenever. The only other thing that has helped me cope has been hard candy, specifically, LemonHeads. Gross, right?
As for weight and all that, today I'm at my lowest weight in at least 7 months. I weighed 186.8 today. Oddly though, my waist measurement is up over 42" again. I don't know what exactly is going on with that, but I'm not surprised I've lost weight because I'm hardly able to eat. I will take it though, because I know the gain is coming in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters and the lower I start, the less horrible of a position I'll be in at the end. That's how it goes in my head, at least.
I've kept up with exercise pretty well. I haven't had the energy to do HIIT yet this week, but I did some weight training on Tuesday and regular programs on the elliptical every other weekday this week. Boring, yes, but at least it's something.
This weekend is my nephew's first birthday party. It's at a pizza place. I have been dreaming about diving into some regular, non-gluten-free pizza for weeks. At the same time, I'm very worried about how sick I'll be the next day after I do that. I hope it doesn't make me regret being alive the way I felt Sunday and Monday. I also cannot stop thinking about French fries and fried mozzarella sticks. I have been thinking about those for several days now. Would it be horrible if I gave in? I'm very tempted to get some fries somewhere tonight.
See, that's the problem with getting pregnant while you do a Whole 30. I have no idea what was caused by food re-introduction, lack of sleep or pregnancy. I felt like I got punched with all three at once. Sunday and Monday were super miserable. By Tuesday though, I was convinced it was pregnancy related because I still felt pretty bad Tuesday and Wednesday. Today, I feel less bad. I don't feel 100% and I guess I haven't eaten much today (just half an avocado), but at least I don't feel like I'm going to throw up right now. Earlier I thought I might be getting a UTI, but it was just a false alarm, I think. So, I'm happy about that.
On Monday I had my first appointment with the midwives. Of course, I only saw one of them, Marybeth. They confirmed that I am indeed pregnant. I didn't really need them to tell me that, since I felt so crappy that day and had/have a bunch of symptoms, but I suppose it's good to know my dollar store tests weren't lying to me. We just went through medical history and all that jazz. I'm not going back again until March, which seems like a long time, but obviously I have no idea what is normal. I think the appointment after that we do an ultrasound. That's when I'm expecting things to feel more real. Right now, I just feel kind of run down and weird, but the idea that there's going to be an actual baby in 8 months isn't real in my head yet.
Anyway, during my appointment Marybeth told me I could take B-6 to help with morning sickness. I don't know if it is a coincidence or if it worked, but I feel better now than I have in several days and I took one of my B-50 complexes this morning. I hope that is why because that's something I can obviously repeat whenever. The only other thing that has helped me cope has been hard candy, specifically, LemonHeads. Gross, right?
As for weight and all that, today I'm at my lowest weight in at least 7 months. I weighed 186.8 today. Oddly though, my waist measurement is up over 42" again. I don't know what exactly is going on with that, but I'm not surprised I've lost weight because I'm hardly able to eat. I will take it though, because I know the gain is coming in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters and the lower I start, the less horrible of a position I'll be in at the end. That's how it goes in my head, at least.
I've kept up with exercise pretty well. I haven't had the energy to do HIIT yet this week, but I did some weight training on Tuesday and regular programs on the elliptical every other weekday this week. Boring, yes, but at least it's something.
This weekend is my nephew's first birthday party. It's at a pizza place. I have been dreaming about diving into some regular, non-gluten-free pizza for weeks. At the same time, I'm very worried about how sick I'll be the next day after I do that. I hope it doesn't make me regret being alive the way I felt Sunday and Monday. I also cannot stop thinking about French fries and fried mozzarella sticks. I have been thinking about those for several days now. Would it be horrible if I gave in? I'm very tempted to get some fries somewhere tonight.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
1st Trimester Woes
I think I'm experiencing my first serious mood swing. I'm really depressed right now and I feel like I could start crying at any moment. I don't know if this is a pregnancy thing or just my let down now that the Whole 30 is over or what.
Right now, I am really worried about gaining weight. I know it's normal during pregnancy, but it shouldn't happen for at least a few more months. I know that if I start to eat anything outside the Whole 30 framework that I will gain weight right away. I'm totally paranoid about it. I gained 0.2 pounds since yesterday already, probably because I ate some chips and had 2 bites of a peanut butter cup. I hate that it takes such a tiny amount to throw me totally off course. With my body, there really is just no room for error.
I can't say that I'm enjoying pregnancy so far. I don't feel that great. I am tired and yawning all day lately, on top of going to bed around 8:30. The breast tenderness is out of control. I'm worried about what I am eating. I'm also worried that someone is going to learn "my secret" before I'm ready to tell it. That may be the hardest part, that I cannot tell anyone. At the same time though, I don't really want to tell anyone either.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't really find the pregnant body to be beautiful. I don't want to look like that and knowing that I will is upsetting. I'm not like my sister or my cousin who can have a belly but look okay in pictures still. I know I'll probably gain 30 pounds and end up the heaviest I've ever been. That is terrifying. I also know that I won't be able to lose the weight without a huge battle. For my sister and cousin it just went away. A few weeks after their babies were born they were back to their old selves, at least as far as anyone could tell. The fact that my body doesn't work that way makes me feel like a failure. Why do I have to wear my failures so openly on my body? Why can't the be hidden like everyone else's?
Ugh, this just sucks. I feel like I'm the only fat pregnant person. I'm definitely the only one I've ever known. I don't know if I should be seeing a therapist about this or what. Maybe my midwife will be able to say something on Monday to put me in a different head space. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm really nervous and have no one to talk to in real life. My husband doesn't get it. He dove head first into beer and chocolate yesterday. If I did that I'd undo everything I accomplished with the Whole 30 in a single night. It feels so unfair. My younger sisters drink wine every night. If I do that, I just gain, gain, gain.
I hate my body so much. Right now I feel cursed. I want a nice looking body, is that really too much to ask?
Right now, I am really worried about gaining weight. I know it's normal during pregnancy, but it shouldn't happen for at least a few more months. I know that if I start to eat anything outside the Whole 30 framework that I will gain weight right away. I'm totally paranoid about it. I gained 0.2 pounds since yesterday already, probably because I ate some chips and had 2 bites of a peanut butter cup. I hate that it takes such a tiny amount to throw me totally off course. With my body, there really is just no room for error.
I can't say that I'm enjoying pregnancy so far. I don't feel that great. I am tired and yawning all day lately, on top of going to bed around 8:30. The breast tenderness is out of control. I'm worried about what I am eating. I'm also worried that someone is going to learn "my secret" before I'm ready to tell it. That may be the hardest part, that I cannot tell anyone. At the same time though, I don't really want to tell anyone either.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't really find the pregnant body to be beautiful. I don't want to look like that and knowing that I will is upsetting. I'm not like my sister or my cousin who can have a belly but look okay in pictures still. I know I'll probably gain 30 pounds and end up the heaviest I've ever been. That is terrifying. I also know that I won't be able to lose the weight without a huge battle. For my sister and cousin it just went away. A few weeks after their babies were born they were back to their old selves, at least as far as anyone could tell. The fact that my body doesn't work that way makes me feel like a failure. Why do I have to wear my failures so openly on my body? Why can't the be hidden like everyone else's?
Ugh, this just sucks. I feel like I'm the only fat pregnant person. I'm definitely the only one I've ever known. I don't know if I should be seeing a therapist about this or what. Maybe my midwife will be able to say something on Monday to put me in a different head space. I don't know. What I do know is that I'm really nervous and have no one to talk to in real life. My husband doesn't get it. He dove head first into beer and chocolate yesterday. If I did that I'd undo everything I accomplished with the Whole 30 in a single night. It feels so unfair. My younger sisters drink wine every night. If I do that, I just gain, gain, gain.
I hate my body so much. Right now I feel cursed. I want a nice looking body, is that really too much to ask?
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Whole 30 - Complete!
Our Whole 30 is over. I can hardly believe it! I'm honestly not sure what to do right now, but so far today I have stuck with the program anyway. It just occurred to me that I could have coffee with cream, or a diet coke, which seems weird. I'm honestly afraid to try anything because I'll probably gain a bunch of weight.
So, I think this is a good time to reflect on the whole 30 from beginning to end. Let's see:
Today I'm also 5 weeks pregnant. Also weird. I'm starting to feel "normal" again, if I can say such a thing. The past couple weeks I've had so much breast pain, which I knew could happen, but it was more bothersome than I thought it would be. I'm still tender today, but not like I was last week. I guess I'm settling in to this pregnancy thing somewhat. It still seems surreal to me though. Maybe it will hit home after a few doctors visits, I don't know.
Speaking of doctors, I've decided to use a midwife. I'm using the midwives that work at Elmhurst Memorial Hospital since that is the closest hospital to my house. Rob and I met one of them, Michelle, over the weekend and she was very nice. I think it will be good. I want to avoid as much intervention as I can. After learning as much as I have about nutrition over the past few years and seeing how wrong our government recommendations and my doctors have been I really don't trust conventional medicine anymore. I like that it is there in a case of emergency, but for most things I want to avoid unnecessary intervention.
So, that's what is happening with me today. I hope the pregnancy weight-gain gods are kind to me in the next 8 months.
So, I think this is a good time to reflect on the whole 30 from beginning to end. Let's see:
- Skin - My break out has stopped, so there's definitely been improvement here. My skin might be a little less dry, but it's hard to say.
- Hair - No real change here. I probably need to wash it less often to see any real improvement. Maybe I'll do that when I'm on maternity leave and no one cares how I look.
- Weight - Well, this is the big one for me, of course. I was 196.8 on Day 1 and I'm 189.0 today. So, I have lost 7.8 pounds. That is pretty good and I should probably be ecstatic. I feel good about it, but of course I wish it had been more. When it comes to my measurements my waist was 42" when I started and 41.5" when I measured yesterday. Not exactly a huge change, unfortunately. I think I've lost more in my arms, legs and upper abdomen than I did around my belly button. Too bad I didn't measure any of that.
- Exercise - I've definitely made improvements here the past couple weeks. I'm up to 4 days a week. I'm not doing long workouts (they are 20 minutes), but I think short, consistent workouts are much better than nothing. My step count is slightly down, but that's because the snow has made walking to the train way too slippery and annoying. I cannot wait for spring just so I can walk easily again.
- Digestion - Just okay here. Some days are good, some are not so great. I'm not dealing with the straining I was before I started Whole 30, so that is good.
- Emotionally - I think I'm better than I was when I started. I've been having some mood swings, but that could be related to pregnancy. Or maybe I'm just not very nice. Who knows. I'm trying to stay positive in general, so that's good.
- Sleep - My sleep was better a couple weeks ago, I even slept all the way through the night a few times. I'm still tired earlier than I should be. Starting a few days ago I've been waking up at 3:00 am for no apparent reason. I can fall asleep in about 10 minutes, but it's still annoying. Hopefully that stops soon.
Overall, the Whole 30 has been a good experience. I managed to win my diet bet, for one thing. I feel less compelled to eat sugar at random times, although chocolate sounds good right now! I am nervous about gaining weight rapidly, so I really need to stay in check. It is going to be tough...
Today I'm also 5 weeks pregnant. Also weird. I'm starting to feel "normal" again, if I can say such a thing. The past couple weeks I've had so much breast pain, which I knew could happen, but it was more bothersome than I thought it would be. I'm still tender today, but not like I was last week. I guess I'm settling in to this pregnancy thing somewhat. It still seems surreal to me though. Maybe it will hit home after a few doctors visits, I don't know.
Speaking of doctors, I've decided to use a midwife. I'm using the midwives that work at Elmhurst Memorial Hospital since that is the closest hospital to my house. Rob and I met one of them, Michelle, over the weekend and she was very nice. I think it will be good. I want to avoid as much intervention as I can. After learning as much as I have about nutrition over the past few years and seeing how wrong our government recommendations and my doctors have been I really don't trust conventional medicine anymore. I like that it is there in a case of emergency, but for most things I want to avoid unnecessary intervention.
So, that's what is happening with me today. I hope the pregnancy weight-gain gods are kind to me in the next 8 months.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 26
TGIF! I'm ready for the weekend. This week has been strange, to say the least. First, taking 3 pregnancy tests. Then going in for that stupid breast ultrasound. Now dealing with my sister harassing me about when I can drink again after my Whole 30 is done. Ugh.
I guess it is good that I did this Whole 30 and stopped drinking for a month, because it will be more believable if I say I just don't want to drink now than it would have been otherwise. Still, the fact that she feels like she has to ask me about it in the middle of the work day is annoying and weird. I mean, who cares if I don't drink? I'm not stopping anyone else from doing it. Heck, I'm still supplying the alcohol! Why does she even care?
God, this is all just making me anxious about announcing this pregnancy. I honestly want to keep it to myself as long as I possibly can. The thing is, Rob is already wanting to tell everyone. I get it to some extent, but I'm the one carrying the baby and I think I should be able to decide when we reveal it. I'm sort of wishing I hadn't even told HIM right now! He wants to tell his family at Easter, which is the 13th week. I know it is safe to tell people then, but man, it just leaves so much time where all anyone is going to talk to me about is being pregnant and baby stuff. After this pregnancy I'm going to be a parent for the rest of my life. Is it so wrong to want to just be me for as long as I can?
The other issue is, of course, we cannot tell his parents before we tell mine. Ideally we'd tell them at the same time. My mom is oddly jealous of the other grandparents with my nephew. Of course, that's probably because they also live nearby and my brother-in-law is close with his family. That won't really be a concern in our case because my in-laws live over 2 hours away and out of state. You can add that to the list of reasons why my parents won't be as nice to me or my child as they are to my sister and her son. They won't have any competition to be the "best grandparents" with our kid.
Anyway, back to Whole 30, I'm still doing good there. Tonight we're having friends over for dinner and I'm going to make the Sun-Dried Stuffed Chicken Breasts from the recipe I saw on Mark's Daily Apple. To go with that I'm planning to make Brussels sprouts and potatoes. Hopefully it is good. I'm probably going to buy some fruit for dessert.
OMG, while I was writing this another person just IMed me to ask when I'm done with Whole 30. Why does anyone even care? I swear, I tried not to talk about it unless someone mentions getting food, and then I just explain that I can't right now. Why is my ability to drink alcohol such a big deal to everyone else? This is really ticking me off.
I guess it is good that I did this Whole 30 and stopped drinking for a month, because it will be more believable if I say I just don't want to drink now than it would have been otherwise. Still, the fact that she feels like she has to ask me about it in the middle of the work day is annoying and weird. I mean, who cares if I don't drink? I'm not stopping anyone else from doing it. Heck, I'm still supplying the alcohol! Why does she even care?
God, this is all just making me anxious about announcing this pregnancy. I honestly want to keep it to myself as long as I possibly can. The thing is, Rob is already wanting to tell everyone. I get it to some extent, but I'm the one carrying the baby and I think I should be able to decide when we reveal it. I'm sort of wishing I hadn't even told HIM right now! He wants to tell his family at Easter, which is the 13th week. I know it is safe to tell people then, but man, it just leaves so much time where all anyone is going to talk to me about is being pregnant and baby stuff. After this pregnancy I'm going to be a parent for the rest of my life. Is it so wrong to want to just be me for as long as I can?
The other issue is, of course, we cannot tell his parents before we tell mine. Ideally we'd tell them at the same time. My mom is oddly jealous of the other grandparents with my nephew. Of course, that's probably because they also live nearby and my brother-in-law is close with his family. That won't really be a concern in our case because my in-laws live over 2 hours away and out of state. You can add that to the list of reasons why my parents won't be as nice to me or my child as they are to my sister and her son. They won't have any competition to be the "best grandparents" with our kid.
Anyway, back to Whole 30, I'm still doing good there. Tonight we're having friends over for dinner and I'm going to make the Sun-Dried Stuffed Chicken Breasts from the recipe I saw on Mark's Daily Apple. To go with that I'm planning to make Brussels sprouts and potatoes. Hopefully it is good. I'm probably going to buy some fruit for dessert.
OMG, while I was writing this another person just IMed me to ask when I'm done with Whole 30. Why does anyone even care? I swear, I tried not to talk about it unless someone mentions getting food, and then I just explain that I can't right now. Why is my ability to drink alcohol such a big deal to everyone else? This is really ticking me off.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 24
I can't believe I only have a week of this Whole 30 left! I've been wanting to go to Red Robin for the entire time and soon I actually can! Don't get me wrong though, this has changed my relationship with food, I think. I've stopped mindlessly eating after work, for one thing. That is huge for me because after work is a time I would often reach for an unhealthy snack (looking at you, Lay's Potato Chips). Now though, I usually just wash any dishes that happen to be in the sink from the night before, empty the dish rack and then start chopping for dinner. A much better habit, to be sure.
Of course, speaking of habits, I am worried about how a baby is going to fit in with my attempt to eat healthy. I don't really like cooking and planning my meals constantly, but for me it seems to be a necessary evil. I cannot appear healthy without putting in a lot of work. How is this going to work with a baby? Can I cook and pump at the same time?
I have a lot of concerns, I guess. In particular I'm worried about daycare and how much it is going to cost. I don't know why I am so worried, but I am. My sister and brother-in-law make less money than my husband and I do, and they are able to afford daycare, so logically so can we. But, I am worried anyway. I'm going to miss walking to the train, actually, if I have to drive to drop the baby off somewhere. Since there's really not a lot between my house and the train station driving is going to become likely. How will I get all my movement in then?
I don't know, maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. I don't think I am though. I mean, I've known for many years now that kids are a ton of work. I didn't enter into this blindly at all, I don't think. But, until a few days ago, I didn't really have to worry about any of the details.
I also have to find a midwife or doctor. I really don't want a hospital birth because I'm worried about being "pushed" (pun intended) into a bunch of things I don't want. I don't want a C-section unless my or the baby's life is in danger. I don't want pain medication (though I'm sure I will say that I do). I don't want the baby getting shot up with a synthetic vitamin only minutes after being born. There's plenty more things I don't want happening, but you get the idea. So, I'm definitely leaning toward using a midwife. I would love to have a home birth if I can, but I have no idea if I'm considered high risk or not. I shouldn't be since I feel healthy, don't have high blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol or anything else like that, but who knows.
The other thing I am already freaking out about is telling people. I am 33. There are no guarantees that this pregnancy will be perfect and I don't want to tell anyone right away. In a way I wish I hadn't told Rob yet so I could have done it in a cute way, I blew that though. Rob's already asking me for dates when we can tell his parents. Ugh. I don't want to tell anyone! I don't think anyone perceives me as a baby person. This is going to change how several people in my life think of me, I just know it. That scares me. I'm also pretty sure that my parents will not care about my child as much as they care about their first grandson. So, that is a bummer.
Anyway, there's a lot to think about, obviously. I guess I just need to tackle one thing at a time. I guess maybe the midwife is the most important thing right now. I'll try and work on that.
Of course, speaking of habits, I am worried about how a baby is going to fit in with my attempt to eat healthy. I don't really like cooking and planning my meals constantly, but for me it seems to be a necessary evil. I cannot appear healthy without putting in a lot of work. How is this going to work with a baby? Can I cook and pump at the same time?
I have a lot of concerns, I guess. In particular I'm worried about daycare and how much it is going to cost. I don't know why I am so worried, but I am. My sister and brother-in-law make less money than my husband and I do, and they are able to afford daycare, so logically so can we. But, I am worried anyway. I'm going to miss walking to the train, actually, if I have to drive to drop the baby off somewhere. Since there's really not a lot between my house and the train station driving is going to become likely. How will I get all my movement in then?
I don't know, maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. I don't think I am though. I mean, I've known for many years now that kids are a ton of work. I didn't enter into this blindly at all, I don't think. But, until a few days ago, I didn't really have to worry about any of the details.
I also have to find a midwife or doctor. I really don't want a hospital birth because I'm worried about being "pushed" (pun intended) into a bunch of things I don't want. I don't want a C-section unless my or the baby's life is in danger. I don't want pain medication (though I'm sure I will say that I do). I don't want the baby getting shot up with a synthetic vitamin only minutes after being born. There's plenty more things I don't want happening, but you get the idea. So, I'm definitely leaning toward using a midwife. I would love to have a home birth if I can, but I have no idea if I'm considered high risk or not. I shouldn't be since I feel healthy, don't have high blood pressure, high blood sugar, high cholesterol or anything else like that, but who knows.
The other thing I am already freaking out about is telling people. I am 33. There are no guarantees that this pregnancy will be perfect and I don't want to tell anyone right away. In a way I wish I hadn't told Rob yet so I could have done it in a cute way, I blew that though. Rob's already asking me for dates when we can tell his parents. Ugh. I don't want to tell anyone! I don't think anyone perceives me as a baby person. This is going to change how several people in my life think of me, I just know it. That scares me. I'm also pretty sure that my parents will not care about my child as much as they care about their first grandson. So, that is a bummer.
Anyway, there's a lot to think about, obviously. I guess I just need to tackle one thing at a time. I guess maybe the midwife is the most important thing right now. I'll try and work on that.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 23
So, the big news first... I'm pregnant. I am still a little in shock about it and even typing it feels weird. We had been trying and it shouldn't be a surprise, but I guess since nothing happened the first few months I was starting to think I was infertile and it just wouldn't happen. I guess not.
As for whole 30, Rob and I are still going strong. I think I'm finally seeing the benefits, too. I don't know that I'd call it "tiger blood" but I feel pretty dang good. Here's my status on everything since last week:
As for whole 30, Rob and I are still going strong. I think I'm finally seeing the benefits, too. I don't know that I'd call it "tiger blood" but I feel pretty dang good. Here's my status on everything since last week:
- Skin - Slight improvement. My last problematic pimple was almost gone before a new one showed up yesterday. So, now it's more like one pimple at a time instead of four.
- Hair - No change. I have an oily scalp and dry hair, if you can figure that out. I wish I could go down to shampooing only every other day or every few days, but my hair just looks awful when I do. So, same old, same old, here.
- Weight - 189.6 today (down from 192.2 last Monday; this is the first time I've seen a number under 190.0), Waist is maybe 41.75" which is not a significant change. I'm not sure how I'm losing weight if my measurements aren't changing, but oh well.
- Exercise - I'm on my way here. I manged to work out 5 times last week (20 minutes each time). This week I'm on my way I did 20 minutes on the hills program yesterday and HIIT today.
- Digestion - I'm just so-so on this front. When I first started the whole 30 things were great, but lately some of the soft stool issues are back. I'm not sure what to attribute that to. I tend to only go every other day, as well. I think I read that constipation is common during pregnancy though, so maybe that is factoring in somehow.
- Emotionally - I think this is where I've seen real improvement. I'm feeling lighter emotionally and less annoyed/frustrated.
- Sleep - Still fine. My neck is almost totally better. I'm still going to bed pretty early, around 9:30, but oh well. I may as well savor sleep now while I can.
- Energy - I don't think it's boundless, but pretty good. I wish I didn't spend all day cooped up in an office; I definitely start to get tired once it gets dark, but I think that's probably how it should be.
In other news, I had this breast lump that I found last week. It had me pretty freaked out and I ended up going to see my gynecologist. I had read that a doctor can use an ultrasound to tell whether a lump is a cyst or not, so I figured she would do that. Unfortunately, she couldn't do it. I had to go to some special Women's Health Center. She didn't think anything was particularly concerning, especially since there was a chance I could be pregnant (I didn't know whether I was at the time).
So, today I went and got the ultrasound done. Aside from having to wait 45 minutes past my appointment time it was fine. The doctor and technician confirmed that I had a cyst. Actually, the technician said she saw many small cysts. That surprised me a little, but it shouldn't have; I've had cysts before. Anyway, I'm glad that I can stop worrying about that now. Who needs the stress?
I can't believe we only have 7 more days of our whole 30 left. I had been thinking about what I want to eat when we're finished a lot, but now I'm actually not so sure. I want to follow the reintroduction protocol and I am thinking that I want to start with non-gluten grains first. Rob wants to start with dairy first, of course. You can take the boy out of Wisconsin...
It is kind of amazing how food has become both more and less important over the last 30 days. I have gotten into a routine of planning and cooking food. It takes more time than ordering, but actually, not that much more. I know it is worth the extra time. I hope Rob will be interested in continuing this after the 30 days are up. I am worried that he will want to go back to how things were, which included going out a lot during the work week and for lunches at work. I would love to be able to relax every once in awhile, but I don't want to go back to ordering food twice a week and going out to eat all weekend.
That's all I have got going on right now. Have a good week!
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 17
Happy hump (lump) day... I'm happy that I made it past the halfway point. I don't really know how to describe how I'm feeling right now. I've been able to stay up later the past couple of days (until, you know, 9:30), which is good. I have been exercising this week, even. I went over 14,000 steps yesterday. Today won't be as good though because I drove to the train because it was so icy. Also, I went to Target yesterday at lunch and I didn't go anywhere today.
I'm pretty stressed out right now though. Yesterday I was feeling around and felt a lump in my left breast. It has me really freaked out. It is probably a cyst, which is not a big deal, but I am worried that it is something worse. I can't see my doctor until Friday, either, so I just have to wait and see until then. I've had a cyst before, back when I was a sophomore in high school. The cyst I had then was about the size of a baseball and it REALLY hurt. This time there really isn't much/any pain. I hesitate to call it pain at all because it is so minor. I actually think I'd be less worried if it hurt because I'm pretty sure breast cancer doesn't actually hurt. Of course I don't really know.
Anyway, this stupid lump has me all unfocused at work. I try to forget about it, but I just can't. What is going on to cause this all of a sudden? I mean, seriously, this isn't normal for me. I thought Whole 30 was all about health, yet I haven't really felt all that healthy the last 2 weeks. Between this and the migraines things aren't great, if you ask me. I really want some sort of explanation for why these things are happening. Migraines and a cyst in a 2 week period of time sure does make me feel like I'm back in high school. And, in case you're wondering, that's not a good thing.
As for food, here's what I had/am having today:
Breakfast - Frittata
Lunch - Mixed Greens with Olive Oil and Vinegar, Buffalo Ranch Stuffed Pepper, Cutie
Dinner - Salad with Olive Oil and Vinegar
I really need Friday to get here so I can hopefully get some answers.
I'm pretty stressed out right now though. Yesterday I was feeling around and felt a lump in my left breast. It has me really freaked out. It is probably a cyst, which is not a big deal, but I am worried that it is something worse. I can't see my doctor until Friday, either, so I just have to wait and see until then. I've had a cyst before, back when I was a sophomore in high school. The cyst I had then was about the size of a baseball and it REALLY hurt. This time there really isn't much/any pain. I hesitate to call it pain at all because it is so minor. I actually think I'd be less worried if it hurt because I'm pretty sure breast cancer doesn't actually hurt. Of course I don't really know.
Anyway, this stupid lump has me all unfocused at work. I try to forget about it, but I just can't. What is going on to cause this all of a sudden? I mean, seriously, this isn't normal for me. I thought Whole 30 was all about health, yet I haven't really felt all that healthy the last 2 weeks. Between this and the migraines things aren't great, if you ask me. I really want some sort of explanation for why these things are happening. Migraines and a cyst in a 2 week period of time sure does make me feel like I'm back in high school. And, in case you're wondering, that's not a good thing.
As for food, here's what I had/am having today:
Breakfast - Frittata
Lunch - Mixed Greens with Olive Oil and Vinegar, Buffalo Ranch Stuffed Pepper, Cutie
Dinner - Salad with Olive Oil and Vinegar
I really need Friday to get here so I can hopefully get some answers.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 15
I made it to the second half of my Whole 30. I'm not all that thrilled with the results so far though. I don't feel that different and I haven't lost any inches (not even 1/2"!) so far. It is depressing. Doing this has also turned me into a hermit. I haven't seen any of my friends since I started and I haven't gone to a restaurant at all. I'm not comfortable being that person who has to ask a million questions and make a bunch of substitutions when they go out to eat. I'd rather just stay home.
So, staying home is what I've done. I mentioned this on the Whole 30 forum and one of the suggestions was that I join Crossfit so I can find new friends. I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous and is the reason so many people think paleo dieting is some sort of odd cult. Do I really need to have only paleo friends in order to do this long term? Is joining a Crossfit gym (at the bargain price of $125 a month) seriously a requirement for this lifestyle? That is how it seems from every single paleo blog out there, even Paleo Parents, "the fattest people in paleo."
That isn't me. Maybe this is just the people I know, but it seems like most people don't have that many hobbies. So, I think it explains why paleo suddenly becomes a hobby for them. It fills a real void, a void made especially clear when you remove watching TV and mindless eating. Well, I don't have that void. I have more hobbies than I have time for already. Adding in all the cooking and working out is a necessary evil, but I don't want it taking over what little free time is left after working a job I hate and commuting. I guess I'm just really annoyed by the suggestion that I need "new friends that support my new healthy lifestyle," because it basically confirms the fear I have had all along which is that I cannot do this long term without changing everything about my life, even the things I like.
Anyway, what I have changed was to start working out, sort of. Rob has to start running for his black belt test; he will have to run either 3 or 5 miles depending on what the person doing the testing wants. So, he wanted to see where he was on Saturday. While he ran, I did HIIT on the elliptical. I did four 30 second intervals in 20 minutes. I did that again today. I timed myself getting up, dressed for exercise, doing the workout, eating breakfast and then showering and getting dressed at a leisurly pace to see how long it really takes. I managed to do everything in an hour and 30 minutes. So, I know that I can make my usual train for work if I get up at 6:00. That isn't too bad since Rob's alarm goes off at 5:40 anyway and I never actually get back to sleep after that. So, I guess that's what I'm going to start doing in the mornings again. I'll work out for 20 minutes each day. It isn't a ton, but it is what I can reasonably commit to and really, that's as much as I ever truly care to do. I'm not a crossfitter at heart and I don't want to be.
If I don't lose weight through the Whole 30 and working out then I'm going to have to reassess. I don't really enjoy being so limited all the time and I miss wine. So, if I can't lose weight being this extreme, then I figure it just is not in the cards for me and I'm going to at least try and work on being content with my weight as it is. Even at 192 pounds I still shop at regular stores and I can keep up with everyone in my life physically. My weight doesn't really limit me except for the emotional embarrassment it causes. But, maybe I just need to get over that.
So, with all that said, here's the weekly status update:
So, staying home is what I've done. I mentioned this on the Whole 30 forum and one of the suggestions was that I join Crossfit so I can find new friends. I'm sorry, but that is ridiculous and is the reason so many people think paleo dieting is some sort of odd cult. Do I really need to have only paleo friends in order to do this long term? Is joining a Crossfit gym (at the bargain price of $125 a month) seriously a requirement for this lifestyle? That is how it seems from every single paleo blog out there, even Paleo Parents, "the fattest people in paleo."
That isn't me. Maybe this is just the people I know, but it seems like most people don't have that many hobbies. So, I think it explains why paleo suddenly becomes a hobby for them. It fills a real void, a void made especially clear when you remove watching TV and mindless eating. Well, I don't have that void. I have more hobbies than I have time for already. Adding in all the cooking and working out is a necessary evil, but I don't want it taking over what little free time is left after working a job I hate and commuting. I guess I'm just really annoyed by the suggestion that I need "new friends that support my new healthy lifestyle," because it basically confirms the fear I have had all along which is that I cannot do this long term without changing everything about my life, even the things I like.
Anyway, what I have changed was to start working out, sort of. Rob has to start running for his black belt test; he will have to run either 3 or 5 miles depending on what the person doing the testing wants. So, he wanted to see where he was on Saturday. While he ran, I did HIIT on the elliptical. I did four 30 second intervals in 20 minutes. I did that again today. I timed myself getting up, dressed for exercise, doing the workout, eating breakfast and then showering and getting dressed at a leisurly pace to see how long it really takes. I managed to do everything in an hour and 30 minutes. So, I know that I can make my usual train for work if I get up at 6:00. That isn't too bad since Rob's alarm goes off at 5:40 anyway and I never actually get back to sleep after that. So, I guess that's what I'm going to start doing in the mornings again. I'll work out for 20 minutes each day. It isn't a ton, but it is what I can reasonably commit to and really, that's as much as I ever truly care to do. I'm not a crossfitter at heart and I don't want to be.
If I don't lose weight through the Whole 30 and working out then I'm going to have to reassess. I don't really enjoy being so limited all the time and I miss wine. So, if I can't lose weight being this extreme, then I figure it just is not in the cards for me and I'm going to at least try and work on being content with my weight as it is. Even at 192 pounds I still shop at regular stores and I can keep up with everyone in my life physically. My weight doesn't really limit me except for the emotional embarrassment it causes. But, maybe I just need to get over that.
So, with all that said, here's the weekly status update:
- Skin - Still no change. Lots of zits, new ones still coming. Not happy about it at all.
- Hair - No change.
- Weight - 192.2 today (down from 194.6 last Monday; I've been at this weight for 3 days now), Waist is 42" still, no change. Since my measurements are not changing this has me a little concerned that I'm somehow losing muscle.
- Exercise - As I mentioned above, I'm hoping to add more in. I probably won't do it every day, but if I exercise 3 times a week that would be a big improvement.
- Digestion - No big change from last week. Yesterday was a bit of a flash-back to previous issues. So, I wouldn't consider this issue solved at all.
- Emotionally - No real change. Obviously today's theme is more frustration. I'm waiting for the "magic" of Whole 30 to happen and so far I haven't see any.
- Sleep - No big changes here. I've never had much of an issue with sleep, but this week has been a little bad ever since I slept on my neck wrong last Tuesday. I feel find during the day, but when I lay down things still hurt. Hopefully that will go away soon.
- Energy - I haven't commented on this before, but I think it is important. I'm still falling asleep around 9:00 pm. I am pretty awake in the morning when the alarm goes off though. I guess my circadian rhythm is fine. I love to experience that "boundless energy" people talk about though.
So, that's that. If I had to make a judgement right now I'd say Whole 30 sucks.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 12
Well I'm still hanging in there. I'll be honest, I don't feel very good at all right now. I slept wrong on Tuesday night and as a result my neck has hurt so much and I can't really turn my head. The biggest problem is that I haven't slept well the past two nights as a result. I also had to get up extra early today for early meetings at work.
But, aside from my sleep, I just feel crappy. I haven't weighed myself in awhile but I haven't lost anything, I can tell. My clothes aren't fitting well and nothing looks good. I was just eating lunch and suddenly felt terrible. My stomach hurts and I'm really hot all of a sudden. Throwing up would not be outside the realm of possibility right now. Ugh. I hate being sick at work! I haven't finished my lunch but I just don't think I can right now since I'm already in pain.
Part of me wonders if this sudden sickness is an early pregnancy sign or something, but I highly doubt it is. We've been trying since September, and nothing. I'm actually starting to think I'm just infertile. That makes me partially sad and then sometimes I just don't care. I guess I just wish I knew for sure either way. If I can't have kids then that's fine and I will find other things to do with my life. I might seriously look into foster care, for example. Or, I wouldn't have to worry about maternity leave and I could start a business. I want to start a business regardless of whether we have kids, but if we have them I'd probably wait until the youngest was in school all day to do it rather than trying to start a business during the baby stage.
My stomach ache is starting to lift, so that's good. Maybe it was just the vitamins I took (vitamin D and methylfolate), but I haven't had that reaction ever before, so it's weird. Also, (TMI alert!) I am backed up. I haven't gone to the bathroom since Wednesday. Not cool. I mean, seriously, where does everything go when that happens?
Anyway, here's my menu for today:
Breakfast - Frittata
Lunch - Chicken Soup
Dinner - Crab Cakes, Asparagus wrapped in Prosciutto
At least the weekend is here. I have nothing going on, of course, because doing Whole 30 has turned me into a total hermit. But, oh well. I am thinking about designing a bracelet and starting on that. I have one I started already though. I'm not as interested in it now as I was when I first started, which is typical for me.
Happy Friday.
But, aside from my sleep, I just feel crappy. I haven't weighed myself in awhile but I haven't lost anything, I can tell. My clothes aren't fitting well and nothing looks good. I was just eating lunch and suddenly felt terrible. My stomach hurts and I'm really hot all of a sudden. Throwing up would not be outside the realm of possibility right now. Ugh. I hate being sick at work! I haven't finished my lunch but I just don't think I can right now since I'm already in pain.
Part of me wonders if this sudden sickness is an early pregnancy sign or something, but I highly doubt it is. We've been trying since September, and nothing. I'm actually starting to think I'm just infertile. That makes me partially sad and then sometimes I just don't care. I guess I just wish I knew for sure either way. If I can't have kids then that's fine and I will find other things to do with my life. I might seriously look into foster care, for example. Or, I wouldn't have to worry about maternity leave and I could start a business. I want to start a business regardless of whether we have kids, but if we have them I'd probably wait until the youngest was in school all day to do it rather than trying to start a business during the baby stage.
My stomach ache is starting to lift, so that's good. Maybe it was just the vitamins I took (vitamin D and methylfolate), but I haven't had that reaction ever before, so it's weird. Also, (TMI alert!) I am backed up. I haven't gone to the bathroom since Wednesday. Not cool. I mean, seriously, where does everything go when that happens?
Anyway, here's my menu for today:
Breakfast - Frittata
Lunch - Chicken Soup
Dinner - Crab Cakes, Asparagus wrapped in Prosciutto
At least the weekend is here. I have nothing going on, of course, because doing Whole 30 has turned me into a total hermit. But, oh well. I am thinking about designing a bracelet and starting on that. I have one I started already though. I'm not as interested in it now as I was when I first started, which is typical for me.
Happy Friday.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 10
So it's the famous day 10 then I've been psyching myself out about. My weight sucks. My measurements suck. I hate this plan. So, yeah, no different than any other day. I better start to see some serious magic soon.
I forgot to mention that on day 8 I had a migraine. That really ticks me off because, well, how could that happen? I've eaten nothing but good stuff, I haven't cheated at all, and I get a migraine! WTF?! It was a pretty bad one, in terms of the aura, too. Very annoying. What's even more annoying is that I got another bad one today. I mean, seriously? I cannot believe this. I was so sure that if I followed a healthy diet that these things would abate and the fact that they haven't makes me feel very out of control. I really really hate it. I've had migraines since I was in the 5th grade and I've really tried to figure out what the trigger is. I thought maybe it was food related, but now I think I can say with confidence that it isn't. They truly seem to come out of nowhere at completely random times. A good portion of them come on in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping. Crazy.
Anyway, headaches aside, things are fine. I'm starting to get bored, but that's not the worst thing in the world. Mostly I just want to get through the next 20 days so I can move on with my life. I don't really think anything is going to come of this for me. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but I just do. I definitely miss alcohol and sweeteners the most. I can't wait to have a glass of champagne to celebrate when I'm done.
In case anyone is curious, here's today's menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Chicken soup, Chicken "Taco" Leftovers, Almond Milk
Dinner - Salad, Banana with Almond Butter
I also had a bite of Rob's Apple Pie Larabar at dinner. It's pretty good. I'm saving mine for an emergency though.
Lately I've wanted to exercise, but for some reason I just can't make myself do it. So, I emailed a couple personal trainers. I have a pretty sweet home gym and it's been sadly neglected lately. I know if I have an appointment with someone I will keep it. Hopefully I can find a trainer that I can afford and who will come to the house. If I end up hiring a trainer I want to focus on weight training because I just really hate doing it myself lately. I'm much more likely to do cardio/intervals on my own.
So, that's day 10 for me. I'm ready for bed now.
I forgot to mention that on day 8 I had a migraine. That really ticks me off because, well, how could that happen? I've eaten nothing but good stuff, I haven't cheated at all, and I get a migraine! WTF?! It was a pretty bad one, in terms of the aura, too. Very annoying. What's even more annoying is that I got another bad one today. I mean, seriously? I cannot believe this. I was so sure that if I followed a healthy diet that these things would abate and the fact that they haven't makes me feel very out of control. I really really hate it. I've had migraines since I was in the 5th grade and I've really tried to figure out what the trigger is. I thought maybe it was food related, but now I think I can say with confidence that it isn't. They truly seem to come out of nowhere at completely random times. A good portion of them come on in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping. Crazy.
Anyway, headaches aside, things are fine. I'm starting to get bored, but that's not the worst thing in the world. Mostly I just want to get through the next 20 days so I can move on with my life. I don't really think anything is going to come of this for me. I'm not sure why I feel that way, but I just do. I definitely miss alcohol and sweeteners the most. I can't wait to have a glass of champagne to celebrate when I'm done.
In case anyone is curious, here's today's menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Chicken soup, Chicken "Taco" Leftovers, Almond Milk
Dinner - Salad, Banana with Almond Butter
I also had a bite of Rob's Apple Pie Larabar at dinner. It's pretty good. I'm saving mine for an emergency though.
Lately I've wanted to exercise, but for some reason I just can't make myself do it. So, I emailed a couple personal trainers. I have a pretty sweet home gym and it's been sadly neglected lately. I know if I have an appointment with someone I will keep it. Hopefully I can find a trainer that I can afford and who will come to the house. If I end up hiring a trainer I want to focus on weight training because I just really hate doing it myself lately. I'm much more likely to do cardio/intervals on my own.
So, that's day 10 for me. I'm ready for bed now.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 9
Today is day 9 and things are still going okay. As the timeline predicted, I am starting to become very aware of everything I'm choosing not to eat and I'm getting a little sad about it. That said, I promised I'd do this, so I'm doing it.
I finally made the chicken soup that I've been wanting tonight. So, I'll be eating that until I'm sick of it, most likely. That's what I plan to bring for lunch the next couple days. Other than that there's really nothing happening here.
Today's Menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Avocado and Tuna Salad
Dinner - Salmon, Stir Fried Vegetables
I did manage to stay up until 10:30 last night, which is late for me. Is that a sign that I have more energy? Or maybe it just means I'm drinking too much green tea. Who knows. It's 8:41 right now and I'd like to go to bed, but I know it is too early. Plus, My Big Fat Fabulous Life is on at 9:00 and I want to see it.
Well, that's all I've got today. I'm still not 100% sure I'll be able to make it through day 30, but I hope I can. As the timeline says, none of the magic has kicked in yet, so I can tell the next two weeks are going to be tough.
I finally made the chicken soup that I've been wanting tonight. So, I'll be eating that until I'm sick of it, most likely. That's what I plan to bring for lunch the next couple days. Other than that there's really nothing happening here.
Today's Menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Avocado and Tuna Salad
Dinner - Salmon, Stir Fried Vegetables
I did manage to stay up until 10:30 last night, which is late for me. Is that a sign that I have more energy? Or maybe it just means I'm drinking too much green tea. Who knows. It's 8:41 right now and I'd like to go to bed, but I know it is too early. Plus, My Big Fat Fabulous Life is on at 9:00 and I want to see it.
Well, that's all I've got today. I'm still not 100% sure I'll be able to make it through day 30, but I hope I can. As the timeline says, none of the magic has kicked in yet, so I can tell the next two weeks are going to be tough.
Monday, January 12, 2015
Whole 30 - Days 6, 7 and 8
I survived the baby shower on Saturday night and made it through Sunday without any problems, as well. I definitely wanted to eat some of the candy, chicken nuggets and cheese that were brought to my house Saturday, but I stayed strong. I had a lot of "mimosas" though. I feel bad about that because I know it was a lot of sugar, but, at least it was just plain, fresh orange juice instead of the 15 peanut butter cups I wanted to have. I suppose I have to consider that progress.
Sunday wasn't super tempting for me, but I did miss the beer and/or mixed drinks I'd usually have while watching football. The Packers won though, which was nice for my husband. Personally, I'm a Bears fan, so anyone familiar with the Bears knows how this year has been. When the Bears are out I cheer for the Packers too, so hopefully they will make it to the Super Bowl.
Now that it's Monday we're officially into week 2. I know that day 10 is the most common day that people give up on Whole 30. I'm not sure why that is yet, maybe on day 10 I'll find out. As of now, this week looks like it shouldn't really be much tougher than last week was. We've got our food plan pretty well set. I've got avocado and tuna salad again for lunch, which luckily is something I like. I want to make some chicken soup tonight or tomorrow that I can use for lunches, snacks or as part of dinner. I have really wanted chicken noodle soup for a while now, so that's what I'll be making, just without the noodles.
Since it has been a week, I figure I'll update my status on everything I commented on back on day 1:
Sunday wasn't super tempting for me, but I did miss the beer and/or mixed drinks I'd usually have while watching football. The Packers won though, which was nice for my husband. Personally, I'm a Bears fan, so anyone familiar with the Bears knows how this year has been. When the Bears are out I cheer for the Packers too, so hopefully they will make it to the Super Bowl.
Now that it's Monday we're officially into week 2. I know that day 10 is the most common day that people give up on Whole 30. I'm not sure why that is yet, maybe on day 10 I'll find out. As of now, this week looks like it shouldn't really be much tougher than last week was. We've got our food plan pretty well set. I've got avocado and tuna salad again for lunch, which luckily is something I like. I want to make some chicken soup tonight or tomorrow that I can use for lunches, snacks or as part of dinner. I have really wanted chicken noodle soup for a while now, so that's what I'll be making, just without the noodles.
Since it has been a week, I figure I'll update my status on everything I commented on back on day 1:
- Skin - Not much change here; still dry and still getting new pimples pretty much every day. Blah.
- Hair - Dry, as usual, no change here either.
- Weight - 194.6 today (down from 196.8 last Monday; I've been at this weight for 5 days now), Waist is 42" still, no change.
- Exercise - Still non-existent. I'm still tired a lot. I wanted to go to bed at 8:30 yesterday, for example.
- Digestion - This is one area where I've had some actual improvement. Going to the bathroom has not been painful and awful. I'm sort of regular even. So, that is a definite plus for me.
- Emotionally - No real change. I'm definitely losing patience with my sister and her continual digs at me. I don't think I really want to be around her anymore, if I can avoid it. I think I will just avoid her as much as possible. I don't really see any reason why I should put up with her nonsense at the moment.
- Sleep - No big changes here. I stayed up way too late on Saturday and didn't sleep well. I always thought I had bad sleep after drinking because of the alcohol, but I think just plain staying up too late might be part of it now. Who knew?
I've obviously been weighing myself still, and I'm starting to see why they say you shouldn't. The reason is because I haven't lost any real weight at all yet. It's very disappointing. I haven't lost any inches either, so it's not one of those things where I'm gaining muscle (which isn't really possible since I haven't been exercising). Several days my measurements have been higher than they were when I started. Not cool. I know that according to the time line that can happen, so I really hope things turn around by next Monday.
I still miss sugar and dairy. Really, right now I'm waiting for the magic to kick in. The only area that seems better at all is my digestion, which is great and all, but I would rather it be my weight or body composition than that.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Whole 30 - Days 4 & 5
Today is day 5. Yesterday, was another day that was just okay. I really wanted something sugary. I tried to soothe my cravings with other foods, but it really didn't work. Sugar just tastes so good. I miss that more than alcohol.
Yesterday's menu was okay, but nothing special:
Breakfast - Banana with Almond Butter
Lunch - Beef Stew (man, I'm sick of this stuff now)
Dinner - Steak (NY strip), 1/2 Sweet Potato, Roasted Brussels Sprouts
Snacks - Pickles, Olives, Roasted Garlic
I may have already said this, but I love olives. The olive bar at Mariano's is pretty great, I get kalamata olives and this roasted garlic that they have. The garlic is great. It, unfortunately, uses a vegetable oil (sunflower, I think), so I try to drain off as much of that as I possibly can. Otherwise, they are perfect for Whole 30.
Today I have that beef stew for lunch again, which I'm not really looking forward to. I have a fritatta for breakfast though, which I guess is fine. Tonight we're going to try to make crab cakes, which I am excited about. I love crab cakes. If they aren't too hard I'll be making them for my cousin's shower tomorrow.
Speaking of which, that will be my true test. I'm hosting, just 7 people, but 5 of them will be drinking (which I wish I could) and all of them will be bringing and eating foods I cannot eat. I'm nervous that I won't be able to keep it together and stay the course. I've planned a couple drinks that are Whole 30 compliant though:
I know fruit juice isn't ideal, but I think this is just one of those situations where I'm going to need it. I would rather have some fruit juice than give in to having alcohol. I'm pretty excited about the piña colada, actually.
It's weird, I keep worrying that I won't be able to stick with the program, but so far I haven't really been tempted at all. Maybe that's my worry, that I'll crumble if I encounter real temptation. I did make cookies with my sister yesterday though and I managed to not lick my fingers or taste a single crumb. That's a tempting setting, right?
I keep thinking about the Whole 30 timeline and wondering where I am at in it. My wedding ring is really tight today, which seems like it would be part of days 8 and 9 on the timeline. I also was super tired yesterday (days 6 and 7). I went to bed around 8:00, pretty much, and I slept until 6:30 without a problem. I'm not tired now though, but I know I won't last very late at night tonight. I did have a very odd dream last night, two of them, actually. Is that a sign that I am sleeping better? Who knows.
Anyway, I should get back to work. Suddenly there's a lot to do, which is a plus. Work is stressing me out a little, but I know that even when it seems like I'm going to be overwhelmed with work, the work really only lasts a couple days and then I'm back to having nothing to do. I would think it was this particular job, but every job I have ever had has been like this. I think that's why I enjoy retail so much; there really is always something you can do ("if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean"). None of my office jobs has ever been that way and I've worked for 5 different companies in 9 different positions over the last 11 years. The common denominator there is obviously me.
Until tomorrow... stay warm!
Yesterday's menu was okay, but nothing special:
Breakfast - Banana with Almond Butter
Lunch - Beef Stew (man, I'm sick of this stuff now)
Dinner - Steak (NY strip), 1/2 Sweet Potato, Roasted Brussels Sprouts
Snacks - Pickles, Olives, Roasted Garlic
I may have already said this, but I love olives. The olive bar at Mariano's is pretty great, I get kalamata olives and this roasted garlic that they have. The garlic is great. It, unfortunately, uses a vegetable oil (sunflower, I think), so I try to drain off as much of that as I possibly can. Otherwise, they are perfect for Whole 30.
Today I have that beef stew for lunch again, which I'm not really looking forward to. I have a fritatta for breakfast though, which I guess is fine. Tonight we're going to try to make crab cakes, which I am excited about. I love crab cakes. If they aren't too hard I'll be making them for my cousin's shower tomorrow.
Speaking of which, that will be my true test. I'm hosting, just 7 people, but 5 of them will be drinking (which I wish I could) and all of them will be bringing and eating foods I cannot eat. I'm nervous that I won't be able to keep it together and stay the course. I've planned a couple drinks that are Whole 30 compliant though:
- Mimosa - 2 parts lime seltzer, 1 part orange juice
- Piña Colada - 1 part coconut cream, 1 part pineapple juice, 1 part ice
I know fruit juice isn't ideal, but I think this is just one of those situations where I'm going to need it. I would rather have some fruit juice than give in to having alcohol. I'm pretty excited about the piña colada, actually.
It's weird, I keep worrying that I won't be able to stick with the program, but so far I haven't really been tempted at all. Maybe that's my worry, that I'll crumble if I encounter real temptation. I did make cookies with my sister yesterday though and I managed to not lick my fingers or taste a single crumb. That's a tempting setting, right?
I keep thinking about the Whole 30 timeline and wondering where I am at in it. My wedding ring is really tight today, which seems like it would be part of days 8 and 9 on the timeline. I also was super tired yesterday (days 6 and 7). I went to bed around 8:00, pretty much, and I slept until 6:30 without a problem. I'm not tired now though, but I know I won't last very late at night tonight. I did have a very odd dream last night, two of them, actually. Is that a sign that I am sleeping better? Who knows.
Anyway, I should get back to work. Suddenly there's a lot to do, which is a plus. Work is stressing me out a little, but I know that even when it seems like I'm going to be overwhelmed with work, the work really only lasts a couple days and then I'm back to having nothing to do. I would think it was this particular job, but every job I have ever had has been like this. I think that's why I enjoy retail so much; there really is always something you can do ("if you've got time to lean, you've got time to clean"). None of my office jobs has ever been that way and I've worked for 5 different companies in 9 different positions over the last 11 years. The common denominator there is obviously me.
Until tomorrow... stay warm!
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 3
Still going strong. I managed to survive watching The Bachelor with my sister last night, which for me is an accomplishment. She wanted (and had) wine. Then after dinner she wanted something sugary so she cut into the 1/2 pound peanut butter cup Rob got for Christmas. It was hard not to lick my fingers after cutting it and not having a taste, but I stayed strong.
I worked from home today, which is nice because I was able to escape to Whole Foods to pick up the coconut aminos I needed for our dinner. We had stir fried vegetables and seared tuna. It was pretty good. I tried to make wasabi mayonnaise though, and that turned out to be really gross. The wasabi powder was very bitter and nothing I mixed with the may seemed to counteract it. Oh well.
This was today's menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Beef Stew
Dinner - Seared Tuna and Stir Fried Vegetables
Tomorrow looks like a lot of the same stuff. Breakfast and lunch will be exactly the same, in fact. For dinner we're having steak, roasted Brussels sprouts and maybe asparagus.
I didn't weigh myself today. I don't know if that is good or bad, but it's just what happened. I sort of wish I had weighed myself because I want to know if I'm losing weight, but I know it doesn't matter that much what the scale says on any one day. Maybe I'll skip the scale again tomorrow.
Right now I'm watching My 600 Pound Life. If that show isn't motivation to lose weight, I don't know what is. I really like the show, particularly when the people on it are successful. When they aren't successful I just feel bad for them. I hope other people like that show so they will continue to make it. Although, I'll admit, I would love it if there was a show that focused on people of my size and with my history (people who have always been overweight, never have been athletic, etc.). Every show seems to be focused on super large people.
Anyway, I'm only 3 days in, but so far I feel like Whole 30 isn't too bad when it's just me and Rob and we can cook at home. The challenge is when other people are around and they want me to eat/drink like I always have. I usually fold in those situations, regardless of whatever plan I want to be following. I hate the pressure. People will say things like "you are crazy, you look fine, there's no reason to be so extreme" whenever I'm trying to follow a plan. It ticks me off because usually the person saying this nonsense is a "normal" weight (so they weigh 50 pounds less than I do). I know for a fact these people would be miserable at my size, yet for some reason they think I should be happy and not try and change it. It's very frustrating.
That last paragraph makes me wonder if I've reached the "Kill all of the things" phase... If you have no idea what that means, read the Whole 30 Timeline. :)
I worked from home today, which is nice because I was able to escape to Whole Foods to pick up the coconut aminos I needed for our dinner. We had stir fried vegetables and seared tuna. It was pretty good. I tried to make wasabi mayonnaise though, and that turned out to be really gross. The wasabi powder was very bitter and nothing I mixed with the may seemed to counteract it. Oh well.
This was today's menu:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Beef Stew
Dinner - Seared Tuna and Stir Fried Vegetables
Tomorrow looks like a lot of the same stuff. Breakfast and lunch will be exactly the same, in fact. For dinner we're having steak, roasted Brussels sprouts and maybe asparagus.
I didn't weigh myself today. I don't know if that is good or bad, but it's just what happened. I sort of wish I had weighed myself because I want to know if I'm losing weight, but I know it doesn't matter that much what the scale says on any one day. Maybe I'll skip the scale again tomorrow.
Right now I'm watching My 600 Pound Life. If that show isn't motivation to lose weight, I don't know what is. I really like the show, particularly when the people on it are successful. When they aren't successful I just feel bad for them. I hope other people like that show so they will continue to make it. Although, I'll admit, I would love it if there was a show that focused on people of my size and with my history (people who have always been overweight, never have been athletic, etc.). Every show seems to be focused on super large people.
Anyway, I'm only 3 days in, but so far I feel like Whole 30 isn't too bad when it's just me and Rob and we can cook at home. The challenge is when other people are around and they want me to eat/drink like I always have. I usually fold in those situations, regardless of whatever plan I want to be following. I hate the pressure. People will say things like "you are crazy, you look fine, there's no reason to be so extreme" whenever I'm trying to follow a plan. It ticks me off because usually the person saying this nonsense is a "normal" weight (so they weigh 50 pounds less than I do). I know for a fact these people would be miserable at my size, yet for some reason they think I should be happy and not try and change it. It's very frustrating.
That last paragraph makes me wonder if I've reached the "Kill all of the things" phase... If you have no idea what that means, read the Whole 30 Timeline. :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 2
I survived my first day of Whole 30. It actually wasn't too bad. We had already planned what we were going to have for dinner last night, pulled pork and sweet potatoes, and I had already cooked the pork (so all it needed was to be warmed up) and washed the potatoes. Tonight we're having beef stew, so we prepared that last night while we were heating our pork and potatoes. So far, so good.
I really don't think I can give up the scale when I know I am in this diet bet though. I don't have a huge emotional reaction to the number, but I need to know it's staying the same or going the right way when I have this bet hanging over my head. I'm down 0.6 pounds today to 196.2, no change in my waist measurement though. Should I stop looking at the scale? I don't know if it will really do anything positive for me and I worry that it'll have the negative impact of causing me to take my eye off of my goal and causing my weight to creep up, even while I'm eating Whole 30 compliant, so I'm reluctant to give it up.
Today's meal plan is:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Tuna Salad, Avocado, Carrots
Dinner - Beef Stew
We got some pretty awesome snack foods at the grocery store last night. I know snacks aren't part of Whole 30, but honestly, I am sometimes so hungry when I get home from work that I just cannot wait another hour/hour and a half to eat something. So, we got some olives. I forget how awesome olives are, but they are great. I also have pickles, fruit and almond butter (to put on the fruit). Rob got some nuts but I don't even like nuts that much and I don't need them.
Tonight I have to make some chicken soup that I'm going to use for lunches. I think we have all the ingredients though, so it shouldn't be too tough to make that. Then tomorrow we're having seared tuna and I wanted to do stir fried vegetables with a soy type sauce. Of course I can't use regular soy sauce. Apparently people use coconut aminos in place of soy sauce. I don't think we can buy coconut aminos anywhere locally besides Whole Foods. Unfortunately, the closest Whole Foods is about 10 miles away and isn't convenient at all. Maybe Rob can get it tonight while we watch The Bachelor or something. If it wasn't so insanely cold I'd walk to the Whole Foods in the West Loop during my lunch but that sounds like torture right now. They are supposed to open a Whole Foods in an old Dominick's near us, but man, they sure are taking forever to do it.
Anyway, that's where things are today. I don't really feel confident that I can do this for 30 days, even though yesterday was pretty easy. I'm worried about the weekend, when I'd normally have some adult beverages and I'll have a lot of time on my hands with nothing planned to do. I guess I need to come up with a jewelry project that I'm excited enough about to work on. I started a bracelet a long time ago and now I just don't feel much desire to work on it. I guess I need a different project for now.
I really don't think I can give up the scale when I know I am in this diet bet though. I don't have a huge emotional reaction to the number, but I need to know it's staying the same or going the right way when I have this bet hanging over my head. I'm down 0.6 pounds today to 196.2, no change in my waist measurement though. Should I stop looking at the scale? I don't know if it will really do anything positive for me and I worry that it'll have the negative impact of causing me to take my eye off of my goal and causing my weight to creep up, even while I'm eating Whole 30 compliant, so I'm reluctant to give it up.
Today's meal plan is:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Tuna Salad, Avocado, Carrots
Dinner - Beef Stew
We got some pretty awesome snack foods at the grocery store last night. I know snacks aren't part of Whole 30, but honestly, I am sometimes so hungry when I get home from work that I just cannot wait another hour/hour and a half to eat something. So, we got some olives. I forget how awesome olives are, but they are great. I also have pickles, fruit and almond butter (to put on the fruit). Rob got some nuts but I don't even like nuts that much and I don't need them.
Tonight I have to make some chicken soup that I'm going to use for lunches. I think we have all the ingredients though, so it shouldn't be too tough to make that. Then tomorrow we're having seared tuna and I wanted to do stir fried vegetables with a soy type sauce. Of course I can't use regular soy sauce. Apparently people use coconut aminos in place of soy sauce. I don't think we can buy coconut aminos anywhere locally besides Whole Foods. Unfortunately, the closest Whole Foods is about 10 miles away and isn't convenient at all. Maybe Rob can get it tonight while we watch The Bachelor or something. If it wasn't so insanely cold I'd walk to the Whole Foods in the West Loop during my lunch but that sounds like torture right now. They are supposed to open a Whole Foods in an old Dominick's near us, but man, they sure are taking forever to do it.
Anyway, that's where things are today. I don't really feel confident that I can do this for 30 days, even though yesterday was pretty easy. I'm worried about the weekend, when I'd normally have some adult beverages and I'll have a lot of time on my hands with nothing planned to do. I guess I need to come up with a jewelry project that I'm excited enough about to work on. I started a bracelet a long time ago and now I just don't feel much desire to work on it. I guess I need a different project for now.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Whole 30 - Day 1
Today is Day 1 of our attempt at Whole 30. I'm honestly not sure that I can make it 30 days, but I'm going to give it the 'ol college try. I don't know anyone in real life that can/will commit to this with me except for my husband, and I know already he isn't as into the idea as I am. So, it's going to be very hard.
My food plan for today is:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Avocado with Tuna Salad, Carrots
Dinner - Pulled Pork, Sweet Potato, Broccoli
I know the plan calls for no snacks, so I am not planning on having one, but I have some items that can work if I need a snack: dill pickles, apples, bananas, bone broth, carrots. We'll see how that works out.
I figure I should document how I'm feeling in general so I can look back and see if there are any improvements. So here's my current situation:
My food plan for today is:
Breakfast - Fritatta
Lunch - Avocado with Tuna Salad, Carrots
Dinner - Pulled Pork, Sweet Potato, Broccoli
I know the plan calls for no snacks, so I am not planning on having one, but I have some items that can work if I need a snack: dill pickles, apples, bananas, bone broth, carrots. We'll see how that works out.
I figure I should document how I'm feeling in general so I can look back and see if there are any improvements. So here's my current situation:
- Skin - Pretty bad break out currently, at least 7 pimples on my face :( My skin is also very dry, but that is a given considering that it is -3 degrees
- Hair - Dry, as usual
- Weight - 196.8 today (down from 198.2 yesterday, yikes), Waist is 42" again
- Exercise - Non-existent lately; I often feel like I want to exercise, but I just can't seem to make myself actually do it. The most I've been able to muster is a set of squats or a 30 second plank or something during commercials. I'll randomly take the stairs to the 15th floor at work, as well.
- Digestion - Actually it hasn't been bad lately, which is surprising. I'm not regular at all and there's definitely room for improvement, but I haven't been having too much pain
- Emotionally - Eh, I've been better, I've been worse. I'm not as lazy right now as I have been at other points in time, but I'm still generally lacking motivation and inspiration to do much. I've watched way too much reality TV lately, and not just while working on things.
- Sleep - Has been pretty good on days I don't drink anything, terrible if I drink, which is not surprising. I don't think there's really much room for improvement when it comes to sleep. The only improvement would be if I could somehow get by with less sleep. I sleep a lot and I'm always tired around 9:00 pm and sleep until 6:00 without a problem. It's a big waste of time, but something I don't see any way around.
Part of Whole 30 is that you aren't supposed to weigh or measure yourself during the 30 days. I don't know about that. Part of me wants to try, but with the diet bet I don't want to be shocked (and screwed) at the end if weight loss doesn't happen. I guess I'm just not sure if there's any value in not weighing myself. I'm not convinced that doing it every morning is harmful. Maybe I'll put the scale away tonight though, we'll see. I'm definitely not interested enough in my weight to go and get the scale if it wasn't right there.
I need to figure out a Whole 30 meal that I can serve to at least one other person (my sister) for dinner tomorrow. We were planning on having steaks, but she's not all that interested in steak. I also need to figure out lunch tomorrow. My current plan is to go to a salad bar and bring dressing from home. I also want to make some chicken and vegetable soup. I was going to make a cream soup originally, but I guess it'll have to be broth based since Whole 30 is dairy-free. Oh well.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Happy New Year
I'm a little late, but happy new year! I haven't posted in a while but I have been quite busy. We went on a vacation to Mexico, which was just okay. I ended up getting sick on the 3rd night and stayed sick until we went home. I was sick after we got home, as well. When we got back I didn't have a lot of time left before Christmas so I was busy making and buying gifts.
I made several gifts. We made flavored salts for my aunt, my mom, my mother-in-law and some friends. I also made a pendant for one of Rob's cousins, who I had in the family gift exchange. I made a necklace for my mom and sister, too. I didn't take any pictures of the salts, but I got the recipes from here. Here are pictures of the necklaces I made:
I also made a moisturizing balm that I gave to several people. I didn't think to take pictures of it, but this is the basic recipe I used. I put it on my knuckles a lot and it helps keep them from cracking in the cold/dry air.
So, aside from making a lot of things, I've been eating a lot of junk. Mexico really sort of set the tone there, I guess. I have weighed myself, but I've been forgetting to update my log. In any event, it's not good. Rob decided to sign up for another diet bet, so I did that, too. We've joined Chris & Heidi's diet bet. If you want to join it too, click here.
It's another 4 week, 4% diet bet. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much exactly where I was when we did our last diet bet. Oh well though. I think we're going to try and follow Whole 30, which is going to be REALLY hard for me. Just thinking about it I am overwhelmed, to be honest. But, I want to lose weight and lately I just want to feel better. I feel tired a lot and just drained and lazy. I don't like that. Hopefully we can stick with Whole 30 and it will work. Giving up dairy is going to be the hardest part for me, I think.
Anyway, since it's a new year and I'm forcing myself to focus on Whole 30 for a month I'm going to change the design of the blog, I think. I'm also going to try and plan out my food for the entire Whole 30 today. I'm going to try and come up with restaurant foods that I can use when I'm in a pinch, make some acceptable salad dressing, make some mayo, etc. Once I have it figured out I plan to post it, just in case it is helpful to anyone.
Happy new year! I hope your year is off to a good start.
I made several gifts. We made flavored salts for my aunt, my mom, my mother-in-law and some friends. I also made a pendant for one of Rob's cousins, who I had in the family gift exchange. I made a necklace for my mom and sister, too. I didn't take any pictures of the salts, but I got the recipes from here. Here are pictures of the necklaces I made:
 |
| For Rob's cousin who, obviously, goes to LSU |
 |
| For my mom to match the sweater I bought |
 |
| For my sister |
I also made a moisturizing balm that I gave to several people. I didn't think to take pictures of it, but this is the basic recipe I used. I put it on my knuckles a lot and it helps keep them from cracking in the cold/dry air.
So, aside from making a lot of things, I've been eating a lot of junk. Mexico really sort of set the tone there, I guess. I have weighed myself, but I've been forgetting to update my log. In any event, it's not good. Rob decided to sign up for another diet bet, so I did that, too. We've joined Chris & Heidi's diet bet. If you want to join it too, click here.
It's another 4 week, 4% diet bet. Unfortunately, I'm pretty much exactly where I was when we did our last diet bet. Oh well though. I think we're going to try and follow Whole 30, which is going to be REALLY hard for me. Just thinking about it I am overwhelmed, to be honest. But, I want to lose weight and lately I just want to feel better. I feel tired a lot and just drained and lazy. I don't like that. Hopefully we can stick with Whole 30 and it will work. Giving up dairy is going to be the hardest part for me, I think.
Anyway, since it's a new year and I'm forcing myself to focus on Whole 30 for a month I'm going to change the design of the blog, I think. I'm also going to try and plan out my food for the entire Whole 30 today. I'm going to try and come up with restaurant foods that I can use when I'm in a pinch, make some acceptable salad dressing, make some mayo, etc. Once I have it figured out I plan to post it, just in case it is helpful to anyone.
Happy new year! I hope your year is off to a good start.
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